I'm sure you're familiar with the popular-made-comical, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."
Holy Spirit revealed to me that most often when the phrase "don't judge me" is used, even with believers; it's a tactic to avert being criticized for their behavior. Jesus is not saying don't judge at all in this context; what He says is to make sure you are healed and your issues are dealt with first, so that your spiritual eyes are open and able to judge properly. Jesus Himself judged, but ultimately, the issue here is hypocrisy. John 7:24 "Be honest in your judgement and do not decide in a glance (superficially and by appearances); but judge fairly and righteously".
The Holy Spirit is the one who discerns, but His job can't be effectual if we are clouded by bondages, sin, and wrong belief systems or mindsets. It is vital that we give Him ourselves fully (Joshua 3:5 "...sanctify yourselves; that is separate yourselves for a special holy purpose..."), that we shall rightly hear His instructions on what to say, when to say it, how to say it, and who to say it to.
As brothers and sisters in Christ, we are supposed to love each other; which sometimes may include helping one out of sin and into their true identity. Which means, there's some judgement going on. Galatians 6:1 "1 BRETHREN, IF any person is overtaken in misconduct or
sin of any sort, you who are spiritual [who are responsive to and controlled by
the Spirit] should set him right and restore and reinstate him, without
any sense of superiority and with all gentleness, keeping an attentive eye
on yourself, lest you should be tempted also." The section in red is why we should allow Him to deal with us first; so we are made responsive and controlled by the spirit.
In Matthew 18:15, scripture tells us that if a brother has wronged you, to go and show him his fault privately. It goes on further to say that if they don't listen, bring others with you to show him his fault. Then it says if they still refuse to listen and obey, you're supposed to bring them in front of the whole church. If they still don't listen, it says remove them from the church. Judgement is sometimes necessary, but not for the purpose of criticism; it's to equip them back to their true identity in righteousness, so they won't continue hurting themselves or others.
Love doesn't just sit back and watch, while the person you love hurts themselves. Love doesn't just sit back and let their family be taken over by strife and divisions, or watch their loved ones spiral into addictions. Love tells the person that what they are doing is hurting themselves. How many people say they want real friends then end the friendship because that person showed them their hurtful behavior? Listen, if you are a true friend, you will not sit idly by and just laugh at your friends who are addicted to alcohol. A real friend, a friend who is filled with the spirit of God and love of Christ, will SAY something about it! Real love is not idle; it does need to be guided by the Holy Spirit, but it DOES NOT ENABLE.
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