I've spent the last 3 months or so, listening to a lot of people tell me how I should be living my life, how I should be moving forward. Not just in St. Louis, but even here in TN, there are people everywhere who feel it necessary to tell me how I should be doing things because it's what worked for them. I've always had the head knowledge that everybody's path is different, but I wasn't able to apply it. Being a people pleaser, paired with knowing I should respect my elders and authority, I always did everything I could to do what all of those people were telling me to do. And most of the time, the advice pulled me in opposite directions. Can you say, "Chase my own tail much?" It's no wonder I've spent so many years tormented and emotionally exhausted.
I came here to follow a call on my life. And though I had what I thought was faith, what I really had was just a desperate hope that I was right. A lot has transpired during my 3 weeks on the ranch. A lot of earthly blessings are starting to unfold (see my article "When the Door Opens, BE READY!"). As grateful as I am for these miracles, the greatest miracle of all is that God has transformed me spiritually in only 3 weeks. I'll continue to grow of course, but what has changed in my heart has set me free!
Everything I thought I was learning over the years, was actually just me trying to teach myself. My heart wasn't receiving the truth and it wasn't penetrating into my daily life. In just 3 short weeks, I've been delivered from the bondage of taking on what everyone else says about me, my journey, and what they think I should do. I've been delivered of the bondage of always expecting the worst and living in fear of never having enough. I've been delivered from cowering back when someone who doesn't live the truth in Christ, tries to convince me what I'm doing is wrong. Occasionally of course, the negativity creeps in, but now I know how to counteract it.
God has shown me that it is HIS words I should listen to, HIS truth. He has shown me that while respecting others is wise, I must not listen to all the ways of the world giving me their two cents because it worked for them. He is anointing me with the power of the Holy Spirit and empowering me to listen to him, trust him, believe his promises and not be afraid, no matter how bad things look. Ironically, I have been saying these words for years, but it's not until now that they actually make sense and I am able to live freely!
Most importantly, he is showing me in very real ways that he IS always with me, that he will NEVER leave me, that he forgives me when I ask and that he STILL wants to bless me even though I've sinned! Not only does he WANT to bless me, but he still DOES! He has shown me that my enemies and adversaries who come against me will fall by my side. They will not destroy me because they come against me with swords and spears, but I come at them in the name of God. I have grown to appreciate his love for me, his grace that he gives freely no matter what. He has taught me that no amount of hard work, or accepting things out of desperation will bring my dreams to pass. Harder work on my part doesn't mean more blessings on God's part, that is not what's going to get me where I'm supposed to go. HE is! God does not help those who help themselves, he helps those who know they CAN'T help themselves.
I am so on fire for God right now and I am so grateful for every earthly blessing he's bringing to me, but above EVERYTHING, I am finally in awe at who he is and the way he loves. He has used my time here to change me into a faith warrior and the things that he is about to use me for will blow your mind. It sure is blowing mine!!! It's amazing the power that God can put behind the most menial of tasks, if we do it to honor him, instead of trying to please someone else!!!
