You talk on the phone, share stories about your day, go for a walk, eat dinner, watch a movie, and take the kids to the park. You glance into each others eyes, snuggle at bed time, hold hands, laugh at each others jokes and finish each others sentences. You even sacrifice your own desires for the sake of the other. It's all so blissful that you tell your friends, "We never even fight"...
But How Intimate Are You Really?
These outward actions can be included as forms of expression, but true intimacy isn't about what you do on the outside, it's about how you connect in your hearts. Remember we are spirits with bodies, not bodies with spirits. When you get married, it's two individuals becoming one, so compromise is inevitable. However, the potential conflict that can arise as a result of having to compromise is not something to fear or shy away from. In fact, it is one of the most healthy and best kept secrets of intimacy building.
Do you avoid communicating for fear someone's feelings might get hurt, they might get angry or there may be an argument? Here's a free tip; communication in EVERY form, deepens intimacy. ESPECIALLY when you're arguing. Walking away from each other during an argument, allows Satan the opportunity to swoop in and bombard your thoughts; causing you to stew in negativity towards your spouse. This puts an automatic wedge between you and your partner. When you talk about things, regardless of your emotions, you're actually reaching a whole new level of intimacy. YES sometimes it hurts, but making the choice to communicate, in the heat of the moment, allows the Holy Spirit to build your intimacy; not only with your partner, but with the Spirit himself.
Examples of Intimacy Building
Express Yourself: No matter how seemingly minuscule, express your thoughts and desires to each other. If you both like different flavors of pop, but one of you doesn't care either way, then there's your compromise. Don't hold back saying what you really want, or you'll hinder your own freedom in your relationship. When you express your desire to your partner, you're making an emotional deposit into them and vice versa.
Say How You Really Feel: If you're upset, sad, confused, angry or whatever other emotion you may feel, tell your partner. Don't hold it in and let it fester, thinking it will just "go away". And don't avoid sharing your true feelings out of fear you'll hurt your spouse's feelings.
In any situation, ask the Holy Spirit to help you deliver your message in a kind and loving way. Both of you ask the Holy Spirit to help you have the conversation period. You may not get what you want, or you may just get what you wanted and more. Either way, sharing what's really on your heart, out of love, will always build your intimacy. You'll reach a point where you're not afraid or hesitant to tell each other anything! And I'm not talking about the facade of being intimate, I'm talking about complete freedom to be yourself, share your desires, allow room for compromise and not be emotionally scarred from any of it!
