Self Esteem Doesn't Come in a Bottle

I was looking at my Facebook news feed recently, and appearing in the right margin was an ad that read, “You’re over weight and unconfident? Try this!” This struck a major chord for me; as severe low self-esteem had me in bondage up until as recently as October of 2012. Confidence and self-esteem come from many sources, but they do NOT come in a bottle…

The bottom line is that low self-esteem is not a weakness. It’s something that began being established in your heart from the time you were a child. It starts with how you are raised then continues into adulthood; how people talk to you, abuse, neglect, favoritism, lack of physical affection, lack of verbal affirmations and I love you’s, as well as a multitude of other things that can cause an unhealthy and untrue view of yourself.  It’s such a slow and gradual process that many people don’t even know it’s happening. I didn't even realize it had happened to me! All I knew was that I woke up in my late 30’s, realizing I had sought love and attention from all the wrong people and places, and for all the wrong reasons.

You Can’t Fix Low Self-Esteem In and Of Yourself

People have actually asked me the same question I've asked myself, “HOW do I become NOT insecure?” The first step is to realize that insecurity is not a mental switch you can turn on and off. It’s not a physical issue that can be fixed by changing your outward appearance. Making outward improvements won’t make you confident because it’s not physical. It is a spiritual issue that attacks your mind and has taken root in your heart. It’s your heart that needs to be transformed and only the Holy Spirit can do that. 

A perfect example is someone who’s considered physically fit, yet still feels threatened in the presence of others. So many women are even deceived into thinking that getting a husband who loves them will fix it; that if he says and does everything “right” then she won’t be insecure. The problem with that is that he could say and do everything right, but the moment someone walks by that you think is attractive, you’ll still feel intimidated. It won’t matter how sweet and loving and complimentary your husband is, you’ll still think you don’t measure up. Why? Because you've placed your value in what someone else looks like, not in who you are; whether your husband who loves you is there or not. Even as a single woman, when you don’t know who you are in Christ and you’re threatened by the people around you, it shows. In those moments, you’re devaluing yourself by comparing yourself to others, even if it’s just taking place in your own mind. Insecurity is a magnet for abuse and manipulation; when you DO know who you are in Christ, an insecure man will be intimidated by the boldness of a woman of God.

Low self-esteem isn't your fault, but it IS up to you whether or not you choose to let it negatively affect you for the rest of your life. Our confidence can only be found in Christ Jesus, not in the way we look. You have to let God’s love get into your heart so that you love yourself. How do you do this? It’s simple. Immediately after I got married, day two to be exact, the Lord went to work on healing my heart in this area. He told my husband three scriptures to have me write down on index cards. He asked me to read them out loud, daily. I didn't have to, the Lord allowed me to choose whether or not I wanted to. I thought the whole thing was ridiculous, but I did it anyway. After a few days, I had the verses memorized and found myself saying them multiple times a day. To be honest, I was just excited that I remembered them all. What I did NOT realize, was that it is the Holy Spirit’s responsibility to do the work!!!  Before I knew it, the Lord was placing me in situations to reveal what was taking place in my heart! Months ago, these same situations would have made me feel hurt, angry and probably would have caused a fight between me and my significant other, but thank you JESUS for setting me free!

Below are the three scriptures the Lord gave me to heal my heart. Whether you've had an unhealthy view of yourself or not, I encourage you to read and say these scriptures daily. And don’t stop once you think you've “arrived” because that’s when Satan likes to sneak in and attack your thoughts, trying to convince you that it hasn't worked. Keep reading or saying them for the rest of your life if necessary. Ask the Holy Spirit to establish them in your heart and in no time, or as quickly as you’re willing to let him, you’ll see what Pastor Joseph Prince refers to as an “Unconscious Transformation”. THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE AND SET YOU FREE! 

1 Peter 3:3-6 (AMP) Let not mine be merely the external adorning, with elaborate interweaving, knotting of the hair, wearing of the jewelry or changing of the clothes. But let mine be the internal adorning; the beauty of the hidden person of my heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit; which is not anxious or wrought up, but is very precious in the sight of God. For it was thus, that the pious women of old, who hoped in God, were accustomed to beautifying themselves for their husbands; adapting themselves to secondary and dependent upon them. It was thus, that Sarah obeyed Abraham; following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her, by calling him Lord, leader, master authority. And I am now her true daughter, if I let nothing terrify me; not giving way to hysterical fears and letting anxieties unnerve me.

Psalm 139: 13-16 (AMP) For you did form my inward parts. You did knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will confess and praise you for you are fearful and wonderful and for the awful wonder of my birth. Wonderful are your works and that my inner self knows right well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was being formed in secret; intricately and curiously wrought, as if embroidered with various colors in the depths of the earth; a region of darkness and mystery.

Romans 8:15, 16 (AMP) For the spirit which I have now received is not the spirit of slavery, to put me once more in bondage to fear, but I have received the spirit of adoption; the spirit producing sonship. In the bliss of which I cry, Abba Father! Your spirit himself, testifies together with my spirit, assuring me that I am a child of God.